This is part one of a new Mental Jailbreak series examining life through the eyes of a divorced Dad struggling to deal with the emotional fallout of family breakup. While there are many aspects to explore, both positive and negative, each post will try to focus on one topic at a time while still honoring the complexity of the bigger picture. Get a real inside look at the thoughts and emotions of one man’s journey.
Empty. Guilty. Shamed. Broken. Regretful. Overwhelmed.
These are just some of the challenging and painful emotions I have felt dealing with life as a divorced Dad. Every other Sunday is now home to the all-too-routine gut wrenching feeling of dropping my son off at his Mom’s house and driving away with an empty car and an empty heart. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a tear every now and then thinking about what I’ve lost.
I forget myself.
I am in a long journey on which I have this bad sensation that I do not control my life. More than that, I even feel like I put a part of my life on mute.
I have been raised in a family which taught me from a very early age to be independent, to experiment life, be curious and count only on me. It’s what I have done so far. I succeeded in my education and developed a strong career evolution. I always put my professional life as a priority, to follow my parents’ principles, and to make sure that I will be the owner of my choices and will be the only one to decide on my destiny.
As an independent woman, I want to be free to do whatever I want whenever I want.
Moving to the country filled me with resentment toward my husband that I never expected. He was living his dream, while I was nowhere near living mine. I had allowed this resentment to root deeply and the filter it produced was all gray. I did not and WOULD not ever enjoy living here. Everywhere I looked I saw more reasons why I hated it here.
People will remain in their mindset as long as it serves them.
Andy is a curious soul with INFJ-T personality who likes to examine life closely and lives for those moments of deep revelation and spiritual connection.