This revelation is thirty years in the making. I've known this fundamental truth about life in limited or superficial capacities throughout my life. I've seen evidence of it at various points, especially during the transcendental enlightenment of my teenage years. But I've never really *got it* with full and deep clarity until this morning.
Life is not meant to be controlled.
Life is meant to be experienced. You must let it flow through you like a river, without fear for what might come next, but rather excitement for what surprise may lay around the bend.
The first thirty years of my life were all about control, whether I knew it or not. I get that gene from my father, who, due at least in part to his choice in a life partner, is a complete and total control freak. As a consequence, the life I have built for myself is one where I control nearly everything in it. I could dive into the details of each element, but to do so now would distract me from my main message. Control brings a sense of comfort to the one exerting the control...people, things, the world all do as you wish. Life is predictable, absent of risk, and generally speaking bad things won't happen to you.
Therein lies the problem. A life controlled is never a truly happy life. The happiness you actually derive from a controlled life is best described as relief. You plan for everything to go a certain way. If and only if everything goes to plan, at the end, you will feel relieved that you didn't lose control. This applies to relationships, vacations, children, date night...everything. I can imagine at the end of a controlled life, the greatest happiness is simply relief that it is over!
I have come to fully realize and believe that life can only surprise you if you let it. Life is chaotic. Unpredictable. Surprising. You will feel pain. You will suffer setbacks. But you will also experience joy. Peace. True happiness to experience this short and precious life we have been given.
Life can only surprise you if you let it.
My decision to change my life for love, was about more than I ever imagined at the time. Deep down my subconscious probably knew it, but my conscious mind took until this morning to catch up. I'm not just changing my life partner. I'm changing my life. I'm changing my outlook on life. I am choosing to let go of all the control I have established for my life and my son's life, in favor of an open mindedness and an open heart to experience all that life can bring us. I am giving up the futile and limiting controlling mindset. I am letting go. And at the same time I feel born again.
The universe is an amazing place. I will not worry about problems that do not exist. I will not worry about problems that do exist but I cannot immediately influence. In fact, I will not worry any more, period. Energy spent on worry never pays. It is maybe the worst personal investment you can make: fully wasted energy. I am essentially placing the intent of the serenity prayer at the forefront of my daily approach to life, instead of just filing it away for occasional inspiration.
Today, I am at peace.
Andy is a curious soul with INFJ-T personality who likes to examine life closely and lives for those moments of deep revelation and spiritual connection.